Tri načela za odgoj slobodne i sretne djece

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Lisa Firestone, dr.sc., stručnjakinja za komunikaciju s djecom, roditeljstvo i savjetovanje roditelja smatra da bez obzira na to koje smjernice nametamo sebi kao roditeljima, autentični osjećaj ljubavi i prihvaćanja djece kakva ona zaista jesu, doista su najvažniji dar koji im možemo dati.

Kao roditelji, svima nam je glavni cilj da nam djeca budu sigurna i voljena. Međutim, mnogi od nas imaju različit pristup roditeljstvu. Znači li dobro roditeljstvo da budemo uz svoju djecu baš svaku sekundu, upozoravajući ih na bilo kakvu potencijalnu opasnost koja vreba iza ugla? Ili bi trebali zauzeti opušteniji pristup, dajući im prostor za rast i učenje iz svojih pogrešaka? Koliko je pravila dovoljno? Koliko ih je previše?
Ne postoji način da budemo savršen roditelj, ali postoji mnogo načina da budemo dobar roditelj. Kakav god bio naš pristup, naša uloga kao roditelja treba pružiti sigurnu bazu iz koje se naša djeca mogu slobodno odvažiti i istražiti svijet. Treba pronaći ravnotežu između zaštite naše djece i dopuštanja da pronađu svoj vlastiti put.

1. Najmoćniji nastavni alat koji imate je način na koji živite svoj vlastiti život. Kada je riječ o roditeljstvu, naše akcije su važnije od naših riječi. Od trenutka kada su rođeni, naša djeca se žele povezati s nama; oni nas oponašaju. Biti uzoran model našoj djeci je u tome kako živimo svoje živote i odnosimo se prema ljudima, a ne kako da svojoj djeci kažemo kako bi trebali živjeti život . Mi moramo biti primjer.
Njihove strasti i interesi možda nisu isti kao i naši, ali njihov stav i pristup prema njima mogu se naučiti iz našeg primjera. Na primjer, nedavna studija pokazala je da je pretilost u djetinjstvu izravno povezana s načinom života roditelja, te da će, ako roditelji imaju zdrave navike, i njihova djeca će imati zdrave navike.

2. Ponudite slobodu unutar sigurnih granica. Djeca žele slobodno trčati, ali se osjećaju dovoljno sigurno da bi to učinila tek kada im pružimo siguran temelj za izlazak. Dio tog osjećaja sigurnosti prirodno proizlazi iz naše usklađenosti, ljubavi i ljubavi prema njima kad nas trebaju. Ona također dolazi iz granica koje nude strukturu i pokazuju brigu. One mogu uključivati određene standarde ponašanja, kao što je poznavanje određenih načina na koje tretiramo druge ljude, dijelimo odgovornosti i brinemo jedni o drugima.

Kada svoje dijete tretiramo kao središte svijeta ili se odmah prepuštamo svakoj njegovoj želji, u stvarnosti možemo stvoriti mnogo nesigurnosti i nisku toleranciju za frustraciju koja ih ograničava kasnije u životu. Djetetu činimo veliku uslugu podučavajući ih kako se nositi s razočaranjem i frustracijom i kako raditi stvari za sebe i druge.

Naš širi cilj trebao bi biti poticati i slaviti neovisnost našeg djeteta, a uvijek osigurati sigurnu i punu ljubav. Našoj djeci možemo pokazati da smo tu za njih bez pretjeranog nametanja podržavajući njihove jedinstvene interese odvojene od naših. Možemo ih ohrabriti da istražuju i imaju avanture. Kada su povrijeđeni, možemo ih smiriti na način koji će im pokazati da će biti sve u redu i da će ih naučiti kako se brinuti o sebi kad stvari krenu naopako, tako da razvijaju osjećaj vlastite otpornosti. Na taj način učimo ih da budu slobodni od nas, pokazujući im da je naša ljubav i briga za njih uvijek tu prisutna.

3. Nastojte razumjeti djecu za ono što jesu. Kao roditelji, teško je ne projicirati se na našu djecu. Također je teško ne usmjeriti naše želje da im se pruži najviše, što ponekada oni osjećaju kao veliki pritisak na njih. Mi možemo djeci uslugu činiti samo kad shvatimo da oni nisu mi. Oni su odvojeni ljudi. Njihovi interesi nisu nužno naši interesi. Oni su na svom vlastitom putu i možda nećemo uvijek znati kako se odnositi prema tom putovanju. Možemo biti znatiželjni i pokazati interes za njihovo upoznavanje sa svijetom. Možemo ih promatrati u različitim situacijama i interakcijama i doživjeti ono što ih inspirira. Naravno, to ne znači da ne bismo trebali nametati nikakva pravila ili ograničenja usput.

To je dio naše odgovornosti kao roditelja da osiguramo svojoj djeci osjećaj vlastite odgovornosti. Trebamo pokazati poštovanje za određene stvari koje očekujemo od njih. Podučavajući ih kako se brinuti o sebi, svom domu ili njihovom školskom radu, pružamo im osjećaj sposobnosti i da imaju dobro mišljenje o sebi. To pomaže da im se pruži osjećaj svrhe i izgradi njihovo samopoštovanje. Međutim, naša očekivanja od njih trebamo uravnotežiti cjelovitom podrškom vlastitim strastima ili interesima.

Našoj djeci uvijek trebamo ponuditi prostor za traženje onoga što ih osvjetljava i pronalaženje osjećaja pripadnosti. Možemo ih podržati time što nam pomažu tamo gdje su nam potrebni i odustajamo kada im je potrebna njihova neovisnost. Dopuštanje postojanja ovog prostora pokazuje našoj djeci da ih poštujemo kao jedinstvene i odvojene ljude. Prihvaćajući ih i potičući ih da imaju vlastite interese, nudimo našoj djeci istinski osjećaj da su voljeni i prihvaćeni.

A.M.

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